Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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