Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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