Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
