Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
