so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
