It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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