It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
