i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I think people are normalizing furries
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
