My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
