Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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