I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
