I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
