Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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