I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
