i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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