i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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