What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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