he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
