tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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