Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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