Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Too much gin, very little bucket
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
