so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
