Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
