Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
