I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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