Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
