Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
