Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
