In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
