I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
