My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
