I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
