ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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