Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
