We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
