i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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