oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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