we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
