member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
