In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
