There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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