i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
