Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
