Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
