do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
