does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
