Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
