I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
