P.S. I can't hear my feet
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
