when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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