Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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