Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
