I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
