So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
