no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
